


And That Has Made All The Difference

by ChaosButterfly



Category: Chronicles of Narnia - All Media Types, Famous Five - Enid Blyton, Malory Towers - Enid Blyton, Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
Genre: F/F, F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-18
Updated: 2013-04-18
Packaged: 2017-12-08 20:31:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/765684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaosButterfly/pseuds/ChaosButterfly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the Queer Fest Prompt: Susan Pevensie; Susan didn't die when her friends and family did...not because she's no longer a friend of Narnia, but because Aslan still has plenty for her to do back on Earth--coming to terms with being lesbian, bi, trans or genderqueer, for one thing, and finding ways of helping and/or supporting people like herself in post-WWII Britain, for another.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And That Has Made All The Difference

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from Robert Frost's "The Road Not Taken". This got a lot longer and lot more self indulgent than I anticipated when I started to include the men and women of Enid Blyton and Arthur Ransome but I've had some positive feedback so I am releasing this fic into the wild albeit several years after it was originally written.

**1949**

 

Susan Pevensie watched quietly as nine bodies were lowered into neighbouring graves. Later Aunt Augusta and Uncle Harold would tell their friends she had had a strange smile on her face as she threw the first handful of dirt onto each of the coffins. They would speculate that she had become unhinged and then share significant looks that said it was only a matter of time with those Pevensie children being raised the way they were. Susan did smile a little as she said goodbye to her friends and family but she was not unhinged. She was just more sure than she had ever been of anything before that they were happy and that she would see them again.

A week ago when two earnest looking policemen had arrived at the house with sad faces she had cried inconsolably. She ignored all the well meaning neighbours who came to her door to ask what had happened and she screamed at Billy Wright to leave her alone when he came to call for her. She hid in her parents’ room and curled up in their bed like a child seeking comfort in a thunder storm, and tried to pretend that the blankets she cuddled up to were her mother and father. Lying there, her clothes rumpled and her make-up smudged over her cheeks, she cried herself to sleep.

As Susan slept, for the first time in a long time, she began to dream. She dreamt of things she hadn’t seen in years - first the wardrobe, then the lamp post, then her horn and her bow and Cair Paravel and Cor, Aravis, Caspian, Reepicheep; the whole of Narnia sped through her dreams before suddenly it stopped and there was a Lion standing in front of her on green field. She fell to her knees and tears stung her eyes but the Lion just waited.

“Aslan,” Susan breathed once she could speak.

“Yes, Susan. You have listened to your fears again and you have lost far more than me this time. You have lost yourself.” Aslan’s voice was filled with such a grave disappointment that Susan found she couldn’t meet his eyes.

“I thought I would be barred from Narnia so I rejected it on my own terms rather than face your disappointment. I knew I wasn’t like the other girls at school. They always talked about the boys they liked and it came so naturally to them. I thought if I tried to be like them... to like men rather than women and if I could get men to like me back using make-up and fashionable clothes at least I would have acceptance at home. Then maybe one day I would be normal and I could return to Narnia,” Susan admitted unable to lie in the presence of Aslan.

“You forget child, I know you now as I have always known you. Your desires are a part of you and so they come from me. To deny them or ignore them is to deny me,” Aslan told her. The sound of his voice soothed Susan’s fears and his presence made her feel like a Narnian once more. “I have a job for you now. You must be brave and you must help other people who share your fears for, though there are those that would seek to prevent them, they are all welcome in Narnia.” She got up and threw her arms around Aslan’s neck as she had when she was a child and buried her face in his mane. When she pulled away from him, her tears were joyful and her smile was bigger than it had been in years.

“I suppose Peter, Edmund, and Lucy are in Narnia now,” Susan said, though it didn’t make her sad to think of it any longer.

“For them, and for your parents and the other friends of Narnia, the dream is over and they have reached the morning,” Aslan said.

“Will I see them again?” she asked tentatively. Aslan huffed as a lion might if he were amused.

“Once a king or queen in Narnia, always a king or queen.” Susan felt his breath on her as the dream faded away and she woke up in her parents’ bed. On waking she felt lighter and stronger than she ever had on earth. There was something Narnian in her still. She looked in the mirror beside her parents’ bed and ran her fingers through her hair. She had kept it deliberately short since returning from Narnia where her hair had reached her feet. Perhaps it was time to grow it out again. First she had a job to do.

 

**1955**

 

Susan’s job was not an easy one. Women who had fought for their right to work and had gained a measure of freedom during the war were forced back onto the sidelines as the pressure for normality began to vilify those it had celebrated. Susan had found a spark within herself however and she embraced her calling with enthusiasm. She had opened the door to a new wardrobe and the world that opened up to her now was as wonderful as Narnia. This world also needed her just as much as Narnia ever had.

Susan arrived at an unimpressive green door off the King’s Road in the early evening. She walked down the steps that led to the unassuming cellar that housed The Gateways, a refuge for people like her. Unimpressive and unassuming though the club might look the woman who greeted Susan at the bottom of the steps was anything but. Gina Ware, who ran the club with her husband, Tom, was stunning as always in a shimmering, black cocktail dress, despite the relatively early hour. She embraced Susan and kissed her on both cheeks.

“My dear, thank God you’ve come! You’ve simply got to do something,” she said putting her arm around Susan and leading her to the bar. Susan smiled at Gina’s characteristic theatrics. Her taste for the dramatic had unnerved Susan when she’d first made her way through the green door several years ago. Susan was had been pulled in by her girlfriend Bobbie, a long time devotee of the club, and Gina and Tom had welcomed Susan so thoroughly that they couldn’t help but become friends. At the bar Susan was welcomed with a terse nod and a glass of wine from Smithy, the bar maid, and a kiss from Bobbie who was propping up the bar and planning mischief as usual.

“Alright, Gina, what is the matter?” Susan asked.

“That woman over there, her name’s George, and she seems to be having an absolutely tragic time of it. I know you have a way with our strays so I hoped you would be able to make her smile again,” Gina said hopefully. There weren’t many people in The Gates this early and Susan had no trouble picking out who Gina meant. George was hunched over a beer and her face was clouded over with anger, confusion and shame. Susan smiled; during the day she campaigned for women’s rights with Edith Summerskill but helping the gateways girls was her true calling. Here she did Aslan’s work. She walked over and sat down opposite George.

“So, I haven’t seen you here before,” Susan said gently. George clutched her beer tighter and scowled at it ignoring her entirely. “Whatever has happened, I won’t judge and nor will anyone else. You’ve got nothing to be afraid of in here.”

“I am not scared!” George said hotly, looking up at Susan for for the first time.

“You’re here for something though,” Susan replied trying to get George to open up. George clenched her jaw and looked away again.

“You can’t shock us,” Susan said trying a different tack. “We help all kinds of women in here.” All at once George rounded on Susan her face bright with anger as she allowed years of pent up frustration to surface.

“You don’t understand! I don’t feel like a woman!” George slammed a hand down on the table. Susan paused, shaken by the sudden loud noise.

“I don’t... what do you mean?” Susan asked, her concern warring with her confusion.

“All my life people have told me I am something I’m not. They told me ‘it’s just a phase’.” George’s tone was mocking but Susan could see the hurt underneath the bravado.

“Well I promise to give you more credit than that,” Susan interjected. George shrugged diffidently.

“Why should you be different from anyone else? I’m used to being a freak.”

“Why did you come here, George?” Susan sat back in her seat watching George carefully. “The Gateways is different and I am different from everyone else. If you’re a freak then so are the rest of us.” George paused, he had never tried to explain it to anyone out loud. He struggled to find an explanation that would make sense outside his head.

“It’s like my brain doesn’t match my body,” George began slowly. “Everyone said that I’d grow out of it, that I’d want to wear skirts and make-up and keep house like cousin Anne, but I’m twenty four and I’m a man.” George looked up at Susan as if daring her to contradict him. “I hate being reminded I’m still a woman.” Susan took George’s hands in hers and squeezed them.

“It’s okay. I can’t say I understand what you’re going through but I do know pretending to be something you’re not is hard work. I tried that - I thought I was so mature when I chased after boys but it didn’t change who I really was or what I really wanted.”

“I want to wear jerseys and jeans and cut my hair short but instead I have to wear this female disguise just so I can keep my parents happy. Even training to be a nurse is all for them. When I was younger they accepted me as a boy but now they just want me to be normal.” George paused and took a deep breath to collect himself. All his anger had dissipated leaving him feeling sad and alone. He just wanted someone to finally understand. “I know that God gave me this body and so I should accept that I’m a girl but I’m not. I’m just not!” George insisted. Susan felt a fierce surge of protectiveness toward George, hearing her own lonely confusion reflected in his story.

“Don’t ever think that God doesn’t love you,” Susan said vehemently. “It isn’t easy being us but no matter what anyone else feels God will accept you for who you are because he made you that person. God gave you the right to existence but it’s up to you to make that existence worth something.”

“I just don’t know what to do,” George said looking lost. “I have a body that doesn’t belong to me. Even if you’re right about God, what about this world? What can I do now?”

“At some point you have to realise what’s important, and who you are is far more important than what the world thinks of you. What you do now is totally up to you but I do know someone who might have more specific help. His name is Bill Robinson and he owns a horse stables with his wife Clarissa.”

“I don’t…” George was confused but Susan laughed.

“Bill was born Wilhelmina, George. He’s wonderful and so easy to talk to.” She rifled through her bag before producing a little white card with a horse logo on it and Bill’s address and telephone number. “Whenever you’re ready you can call him and say I sent you. For now though, won’t you buy a girl a drink?” Susan asked raising her eyebrow. George’s small smile in response felt like the world’s biggest victory parade as Susan clinked their glasses together and smiled over at Gina who was leaning on the bar talking to Smithy. Gina raised her glass in acknowledgement and she and Bobbie sauntered over to welcome George to the club.

 

**1960**

 

Susan was in the middle of making herself dinner when she heard someone knocking at the door. She sighed and looked at the clock. It wasn’t unusual for her to have visitors, even unannounced ones, but it was late and for a moment she was sorely tempted to ignore them in favour of a glass of wine and dinner. Her conscience got the better of her, however, when the knocking continued and she noticed the rain pouring down outside her window. Besides, it might be Bobbie. Susan allowed herself a small smile at that thought. She and Bobbie had long since given up dating full time but they still indulged one another occasionally.

Susan was surprised when she got to the door, it wasn’t Gina or Bobbie but a strange blonde woman with hair that had been perfectly curled before it had been soaked by the rain. She wore a beautiful blue and white full skirted dress and blue heels.

“Are you Susan Pevensie?” she asked. Susan nodded, wrong footed by the appearance of this woman who was so unlike her usual social circle of activists, waifs, and strays, and yet hadn’t even brought an umbrella or an overcoat with her. “Can I come in?”

“Of course.”

“Thank you,” the blonde said. She took off her gloves and surveyed Susan’s hall with a raised eyebrow taking in the clutter of shoes on the floor and unopened mail on the table. “My name is Anne Gwynn and I’m looking for my cousin George.”

“He’s not here I’m afraid,” Susan replied warily. Though Anne didn’t look threatening, she didn’t want to give her any more information than she had to at this stage. She had been befriending and looking after her outcasts long enough to know that not all the people who came looking for them were good people. Susan relaxed a little when Anne appeared downcast rather than angry at Susan’s answer.

“Are you sure you can’t help? I’ve come all the way from Devon because I’ve got to see her. I feel awful about what Julian and Dick said, and she is my cousin after all.”

“Alright, come on and sit down,” Susan said leading her into the sitting room. “I hope you don’t mind if I eat while we talk?” This seemed like something she ought to get to the bottom of, for George’s sake.

“That’s quite alright, I’m afraid I must seem quite a state,” Anne said smoothing out her skirts as she sat down. “I had the taxi driver drop me at the end of the street but I hadn’t quite realised how wet it was or I would have had him drive right to the door.”

“Trust me this sitting room has seen worse,” Susan replied honestly sitting down next to Anne on the sofa. “Now, tell me what happened to George.”

“We were having a get together - me, my brothers Julian and Dick, and our cousin George - for Julian’s 30th birthday and George arrived wearing a shirt and trousers. At first it was fine because George always wears boys clothes anyway and it wasn’t like we were in public or anything, just at Julian’s house so what did it matter? Then the boys started to drink.” As Anne looked up she caught Susan’s eyes. Her calm facade had begun to crack and Susan could see the turmoil in Anne’s eyes. She put her plate down and put her hand on Anne’s back, encouraging her. Anne smiled gratefully and took a deep breath before continuing.

“You mustn’t think badly of him but Dick does drink rather a lot and he gets a bit loud. This time he started on George. Mostly she gives as good as she gets but he touched a nerve when he was teasing her about her clothes and how no man would ever want her because she wasn’t really a woman. I thought it was a joke, but she got this look on her face like she used to when we were children and someone threatened her dog, Timmy. Dick didn’t see it though and he kept on going. She got so angry she screamed at him that it didn’t matter what he thought because she wasn’t a woman anyway and she didn’t want a man to marry her. Dick just laughed but Julian got really pale and asked if that was why she dropped out of nursing school, wasting all her parents money. She said it was and that she was going to live as a man from now on. Something in Julian just seemed to snap and he shouted at her to get out and never come back. It was terrible and all I could do was sit there while George started crying and pleading with him to listen. Then Julian started moving toward her shouting about how she was a freak and a pervert and he never wanted to see her again. I thought he was going to hit her but she turned and ran. Her address book fell out when she grabbed her bag. I was too late to go after her but I grabbed the book before Julian saw it and I just left the house. I had to do something and yours was the first name I came to,” Anne finished twisting her gloves in her hands.

“Oh Anne, it’s not your fault,” Susan said.

“I’ve never seen George cry ever, not even when her dog died,” Anne said earnestly. She looked up at Susan as though she had all the answers and she seemed like a completely different woman from the one who had entered her flat only ten minutes ago.

“What your brothers did was awful but your support will help make it better. We’ll find George, I promise. I’ll ring around tomorrow morning and see if we can find him. He’s probably just gone to Bill and Clarissa’s,” Susan said putting her arm around Anne.

“Can we go and see her… him?” Anne asked correcting herself for the first time.

“Of course, but you should stay here tonight. I’ll find you some pyjamas,” Susan told her.

“I’m glad I came to you,” Anne said. Susan smiled and took her upstairs.

The next day saw Anne and Susan arriving at Autumn Brook Riding School at around tea time, having been driving in Susan’s old car for five hours. They got out of the car at the bottom of a long drive revelling in the fresh air despite the September chill. On either side there were fields with horses, some of whom came over to investigate the new arrivals. As Anne and Susan made a fuss out of the horses, Clarissa, a plain woman with mousy brown hair and glasses who never the less dressed almost as well as Anne, came down the drive to greet them. She embraced Susan warmly, but her welcome to Anne was decidedly cooler.

“Susan says you’re here to talk to George,” Clarissa said, taking in Anne’s day old dress and still slightly dishevelled hair.

“I just want to see my cousin,” Anne said apparently unconcerned by Clarissa’s attitude.

“If you say anything out of order to him...” Clarissa started threateningly but Susan interrupted.

“I think we should just let Anne see him,” Susan said firmly. “I wouldn’t bring Anne here if I thought she would hurt George, you know that.” Clarissa looked suitably chastised and she lead the two women up the drive to the house with only a few suspicious looks at Anne.

The kitchen was large and warm as the three women stepped in through the heavy oak door that separated it from the cold outside. They were immediately assailed by two dogs both begging to be stroked, while a cat sat aloof on the window sill regarding everyone, especially the dogs, with suspicion. Another, rather older, dog lay on a rug in front of the AGA cooker ignoring everyone in favour of a bone and warmth. At the large wooden table in the middle of it all sat George and Bill. They both stood up smartly as the women entered. George took a step forward when he saw his cousin but hesitated.

“Anne,” George said nervously. “I wasn’t sure you would come. I couldn’t believe it when Susan said you had found her.”

“After you left, Julian was still ranting and I just couldn’t stay there. The things he was saying were awful, George, you’ve no idea.” George snorted softly.

“I think I might have some idea,” he said wryly looking at Bill and Clarissa. They all knew how cruel family could be. Lord and Lady Carter hadn’t been thrilled about prospect of their eldest daughter choosing to run a riding stable but they had been even less pleased when they had accidentally discovered the full extent of Bill and Clarissa’s relationship.

“I suppose so. I just don’t understand why he was so angry,” Anne said sounding genuinely confused. “After all it isn’t as though you didn’t always act like a boy and the more I thought about it last night the more it made sense. You’ve always been a boy really.”

“Sometimes you know just the right thing to say,” George said with a slightly shaky smile. Anne took the few steps forward and threw her arms around George’s neck.

“You’ll always be my cousin.” When they pulled apart both had tears on their faces but no one chose to mention it. Instead Clarissa pulled out scones with jam and cream and a large chocolate cake which she placed on the table.

“Now that’s all sorted out then,” Clarissa said matter-of-factly. “What would you like, Anne?” she asked with no trace of her former coldness as she doled out slices of cake. Yes, Susan thought, they would all be all right for now.

**1964**

 

“I still can’t believe this is happening,” George said. He and Susan had staked out a spot near the drinks table they had set up in Clarissa and Bill’s garden for the occasion. Just to the left of them was a big banner announcing George’s 33rd birthday. They stood arm in arm watching the other guests, all dressed to the nines for the occasion, talking and laughing among the flower beds.

“I know this garden party isn’t really your sort of thing, but once Anne and Clarissa get going there’s no stopping them,” Susan said. “I tried to have a word with them but they were already deep in guest lists and decorations by then.”

“They’re a force to be reckoned with, but it’s not that. Just having all of these people here for me...” George bit his lip. He smiled contentedly as he watched Anne and her husband fussing over their young children who had already managed to get grass stains on their best clothes. “Honestly, I had given up hope of ever feeling normal again but everyone here knows who I am and no one cares. I’ve even got some of my family back. It’s almost too good to be true.”

Susan couldn’t help smiling. George had come so far from the scared and angry woman in Gateways almost ten years ago. She bumped her friend’s shoulder affectionately.

“You deserve it,” she said. They paused side by side sharing the moment as they watched Anne’s two boys trying to coerce Lady, a particularly patient Labrador to act as a pony for their younger sister. Their reverie was broken by the commotion caused by Clarissa and Bill coming out of the kitchen with a big birthday cake. Suddenly everyone was crowding around the table singing Happy Birthday as George blew out the candles and cut the first slice.

After the crush of people seeking cake had dispersed, George found himself alone. Susan was now engaged animatedly explaining to Anne’s children about fairy rings. George caught sight of Bill and was about to go over to talk to him when a woman with short dark curls, a glass in one hand and a cigarette in the other, came and stood beside him. Her short bright red dress and knee high red boots caught his attention and Bill was forgotten.

“You know they’re saying these things can kill you now?” she said apropos of nothing in particular and gesturing with her cigarette.

“Well, a woman should have an occupation of some kind. There are far too many idle women,” George said dryly, but his new acquaintance looked more impressed than offended.

“A man who knows his Wilde, well well.” She took a final drag on her cigarette before stamping it out. “My name is Darrell Rivers.” George took her proffered hand, she had a firm handshake and playful dark eyes which he was warming to already.

“Are you one of Anne’s friends?” George asked. He had assumed he knew everyone coming.

“Anne? Lord no, I went to school with Bill and Clarissa. I’ve been hiding in Scotland since university so I know practically no one now I’ve moved back south to write for Private Eye but this seemed like a wonderful opportunity to make some friends,” Darrell said cheerfully.

“You’ll have to tell me all their school secrets then,” George replied teasing her a little.

“Oh, we certainly had our adventures. Bill was the most stubborn person in the year, his horse Thunder stayed in the stables at school and he was forever disobeying Miss Peters to go and see him. We once spent a whole night out in the rain trying to save Thunder from colic. In the end, Miss Peters had to come to our rescue.” Darrell said with a self deprecating smile.

“I can’t imagine Bill as a rebel, he’s one of the calmest people I know.” George looked over to where Bill was talking with a few other men all dressed in tweed. Definitely not the rebel image.

“You haven’t seen him separated from his horses,” Darrell said grinning. “Still, we’ve all changed since then. I wasn’t always the calm and dignified woman you see before you.”

“I can’t imagine that,” George tried gallantly but Darrell laughed.

“Oh I was a real hellion - I once pushed a girl clear across the room after an argument. I still fly off the handle every now and then but I’m much better now,” Darrell said. “Now I only hit people that really deserve it.”

“Your school sounds far more exciting than mine, but I bet my holidays were more interesting than yours - Anne and I helped catch a smuggler one year,” George said preening a little.

“You’ll have to tell me about them sometime.” Darrell smiled into her wine glass. George paused awkwardly while he tried to think of something to say.

“It’s odd but I think you’re the first of Bill and Clarissa’s school friends I’ve met,” George wondered out loud.

“Well, not everyone took the news about Bill as well as I did,” Darrell replied soberly. “Sally, Alicia, and I do what we can but we all went to Scotland for university and no one else from school will have anything to do with them.”

“At least they’ve got someone on their side. I don’t know what I’d do without Susan and apart from Anne no one in my family is speaking to me at the moment,” George sighed.

“Are you with Susan then?” Darrell turned her face away feigning  
disinterest.

“What? Oh, no, she’s very definitely a lesbian,” George said. “I’ve not had much opportunity to try dating given my situation and being a private investigator is very time consuming.”

“How funny, me working for Private Eye and you actually being one. Maybe you could work with me and help track down dirty politicians,” Darrell said teasing. “It would give me an excuse to see you when we’re back in London at any rate.”

“I think we could find a way to work together,” George replied. He tentatively placed his hand on Darrell’s waist. She didn’t comment but smiled to herself and took another sip of wine. Across the garden, partially obscured from view by the rose bushes, Anne, Susan, and Clarissa discreetly high-fived each other in excitement seeing their plan come together.

 

**1966 - 1967**

 

“I thought you were barred, Nancy,” Susan said as she made her way out of The Gateways’ green door after a lively Kenric meeting. A woman with short dark hair and strangely angular features pressed a flyer into the hands of the woman she was talking to and turned to face Susan. She was dressed in a trouser suit that would have caused a stir in the more fashionable parts of London, but outside The Gateways’ green door no one would pay her any attention.

“That’s why I’m not inside,” Nancy replied with a wry smile. She waved a handful of black and white flyers at Susan who could make out the word Amazons printed across the top in bold lettering. “I’m just trying to show some of your ladies an alternative.”

“You know Gina doesn’t want politics in her bar and we don’t want it in our meetings,” Susan said sharply.

“Your ‘meetings’ are a waste of time. You sit and have a nice chat and a nice drink but what does it actually mean? Who are you helping by staying hidden behind your green door?” Nancy asked.

“We may not be changing the world but we help every single woman who comes through this door! We give them refuge. No one has to feel alone or hated when they can come here and see our acceptance.” Susan said, incensed that someone would belittle the work she tried to do and the people she had tried to help.

“You save them from the world, what about changing the world so they don’t need saving? If we can make people see our strength and how many of us there are we could really make a difference. We could make the world a refuge. You’ve got to have bigger dreams than this,” Nancy said gesturing at the club.

“At least we accept everyone for who they are and we don’t make demands of them, unlike your Amazons. If a woman is afraid to acknowledge her feelings in case she’s forced to come out, what good is that to anyone? You can ruin lives like that,” Susan said but she’d touched a nerve for Nancy. She pushed forward into Susan’s space, squaring up to her.

“Don’t talk to me about ruined lives! I served with the WRNS for twenty five years and then suddenly I was dishonourably discharged on suspicion of homosexual tendencies and branded a pervert. I gave them my life and there’s no way keeping my head down and having a cozy little tea party is going to fix that!” Nancy said angrily. The women were very close now and Susan had to look up to see Nancy’s face.

“I didn’t know,” Susan said quietly.

“Well, it’s not something I tell many people. I guess you’re just special,” Nancy replied, sounding surprised her own candidness. “Just don’t feel sorry for me. I’m fighting for myself now - you should be too.” Before Susan could say anything Nancy turned away. As she walked down the street she sang the chorus of an old Frankie Vaughan hit. Susan laughed when she recognised the lyrics and Nancy’s voice followed her as she headed home.

_“Saw an eyeball peepin’ through a smoky cloud_

_behind the green door._

_When I said ‘Joe sent me’ someone laughed out loud_

_Behind the green door._

_All I want to do is join the happy crowd_

_Behind the green door!”_

It was a year later at a party held by the homosexual law reform society in honour of partial decriminalisation that Susan turned away from her friends at the bar and found herself face to face with Nancy Blackett once more.

“Oh! Hello,” Susan said, surprised.

“Don’t look so nervous,” Nancy said with a laugh. “We’re celebrating, I think we can have a truce for tonight.” She held her glass up toward Susan’s and clinked them together.

“It is wonderful, isn’t it? I know it’s not so different for us women but everyone feels freer tonight,” Susan said thoughtfully watching the couples dancing on the main floor.

“Maybe now we’ve had a taste of freedom we’ll fight harder for the next bit. We’ve still got a long way to go,” Nancy said.

“Yes, ‘miles to go before we sleep,’” Susan admitted, remembering the lines from a Robert Frost poem she had read in school. “But maybe that means we deserve a bit of a party all the more.” Nancy smiled at her and Susan couldn’t help but smile back.

“I think we all deserve a little fun.” Nancy said and now there was something suggestive in her smile that made Susan flush. On stage the band stopped playing as Antony Grey hushed them and got up to speak. Susan turned away from Nancy and quieted respectfully as he began to speak about their successes and failures in the Sexual Offences Act but she could feel Nancy’s sigh next to her.

“Come with me,” Nancy whispered in her ear and grabbed Susan’s hand. Susan resisted at first but she saw a spark of mischief in Nancy’s eye and couldn’t help but follow her. Once out of the main hall they ran out of the building and into the street. Susan’s long hair that now fell almost to her feet was caught by the wind and wrapped around her purple dress which had been designed to be as close to the Narnian style as possible.

“You know, you look amazing when you do something unexpected,” Nancy said turning to face her on the pavement. Susan fought her instinct to blush and look away and instead met Nancy’s dark eyes. Without stopping to think about it Susan put her hand on the back of Nancy’s head and kissed her. Heat curled in Susan’s belly and spread through her as the kiss continued. It was ridiculous. They didn’t know each other that well and most of their conversations had been more arguments than romance, but this was the best kiss of Susan’s life. When they pulled apart they stared at each other for a moment.

“I don’t normally...” Susan said as she stepped back a bit embarrassed by her own behaviour.

“Tonight isn’t about normal,” Nancy said grinning and pulled Susan back into her. They kissed. “However much as I admire your decision to try new things and despite our celebrated victory I don’t think the street is the place for this. This is the sort of thing that gets women like us in trouble.”

“Right, yes,” Susan said uncertainly. “Maybe we should do this another time?” she asked.

“If you want. What I meant was that my flat is around the corner and I live alone but if you’re not ready…”

Susan laughed and put her arm in Nancy’s. “I’m doing unexpected things tonight.”

The next morning when Susan woke up in a strange room, in Nancy’s bed with only her hair to protect her modesty, she smiled to herself. She slipped out of bed and looked at Nancy asleep - this was definitely one of the perks of staying on earth. Sitting in front of the mirror Susan began the arduous task of brushing and braiding her hair. Before long Nancy came and sat beside her.

“Here, let me,” she said taking the brush from Susan’s hands. Susan watched Nancy’s long confident strokes in the mirror.

“You’re good at this,” she said when Nancy was nearly finished.

“I used to do it for my sister when we weren’t playing at being pirates. Peggy and I were the first Amazons when we went sailing in the lake district. We were so close then. I don’t see her much any more.” Nancy replied not looking up from Susan’s hair.

“One day we’ll go and see her together.” Nancy caught Susan’s eyes in the mirror, her expression full of disbelief.

“I wish I had your confidence. I never even said anything to her, I just left, twenty-six years ago, and didn’t look back,” Nancy said sounding resigned. “We write sometimes.”

“You still have a chance; maybe she won’t react as badly as you think,” Susan said confidently.

“And maybe it’ll be exactly as bad as I imagine. I don’t think I could cope if she rejected me,” Nancy said her hands stilling on Susan’s hair.

“I thought that once about a childhood friend, but people surprise you. Besides, with you and me joining forces, who could stop us?” Susan asked turning to smile at Nancy. Nancy couldn’t help but kiss her and if her words sparked a small amount of hope, then no one else would ever have to know. Susan leaned into the kiss. Sure, she thought, they had different ways of doing things but together they would help change the world. Susan was sure of that.

 

**1969**

 

It was only the second time Peggy Sharpe (née Blackett) had ever been to London. The last time had been 1953 for the coronation of the Queen, but the circumstances were rather different this time. There was no adulation or parties in the street now. London had been so exciting when she was surrounded by her family, Richard had carried their daughter Ruth on his shoulders so she could see over the crowd and Peggy had held baby Jim in her arms, but now she was alone in a cafe in Kensington, waiting. She clutched a thick white envelope in her hands unconsciously bending it backward and forward before smoothing it out again. She could see the waitress eyeing her suspiciously as she sat there not ordering anything but she found she couldn’t eat. Excitement and fear warred within her, killing her appetite completely. The bell on the door sounded and Peggy started up out of her seat.

“Nancy,” Peggy said without thinking as a woman in jeans and a dark leather jacket walked through the door. She hadn’t seen her sister in almost 30 years, their only contact being brief written updates, but though the years had changed them both it was undoubtedly her. Everything from her wicked dark eyes to her fearless attitude screamed Nancy Blackett. Despite her fearlessness Nancy seemed awkward as she sat down in the seat opposite Peggy.

“I’m glad you came,” Nancy said. They starred at each other for a long moment both lost for something to say. “How are you?” Nancy asked eventually. Peggy blinked.

“I’m well thank you. It was a long journey down.”

“Oh yes, train travel can be such a hassle.”

“There was a young child throwing a fit several rows away from me so I couldn’t focus on my book properly and it rained the whole way.”

“It has been a particularly wet March,” Nancy said nodding. Peggy was about to reply but the inanity of the whole conversation struck her and a giggle caught her unawares. Before she could stop it the giggles over took her and she was shaking with laughter.

“Oh, what duffers we’re being,” Peggy said letting another giggle escape.

“Thank God,” Nancy said loudly. “I thought we were going to be stuck on small talk all afternoon.”

“I’m honestly all right though, I want to hear about you - you’ve lived a whole life I barely know anything about,” Peggy said brandishing the letter.

“Oh Peg, it’s so good to see you again,” Nancy said warmly. “I’ll tell you anything you want to know and you must tell me everything about your family too.”

“I’m afraid you’ll find my life incredibly boring after your adventures,” Peggy said. After all, she had lived her life in Nancy’s shadow. Even after Nancy had left, everyone in the village had talked about her until she had taken on an almost mythic status. She had resented it at first but eventually Peggy had even told her own children Nancy stories at bed time. She couldn’t imagine how the life and times of a village primary school teacher could stack up against that.

“You have no idea how often I wished for a life like yours Peg,” Nancy said with an odd wistful smile. “You’ve got a partner, two wonderful children, a job and a community. My ever so exciting life cost me my family and just being who I am is a constant struggle. Ordinary has its compensations.” Nancy unconsciously running a hand over her scars, souvenirs from the kicking the military police had given her after her dishonourable discharge. Peggy took her sister’s hand and squeezed it.

“The grass is always greener Nancy, every life has pain. I never told you about Bobby, did I?” Nancy shook her head. “He was my second child, my first boy. He was so beautiful and I loved him so much.... When he was eighteen months old he died of pneumonia. Nothing has ever hurt as badly as losing my baby. Nineteen years later and I can still feel it.” The two sisters sat silently across from each other both grieving for the others pain, their joined hands grounding them and rekindling a connection that had long been broken.

“I’m sorry I waited so long to contact you,” Nancy said not letting go.

“I was so surprised to get your letter and by what was in it. There are some things life in rural Cumbria doesn’t prepare you for,” Peggy said truthfully. “I wasn’t sure what to think but in the end I couldn’t bear the thought of you being scared of me. You were never scared, not of pirates, or thunderstorms, or anything but you were scared of me. I think that more than anything else made me determined to come and meet you.”

“I had written to you a thousand times trying to explain but I could never bring myself to send the letters. You have Susan to thank for this really - she held my hand while I posted it. I might never have plucked up the courage otherwise,” Nancy admitted.

“I’d like to meet her,” Peggy said. “And, if you’d like, I want you to meet Jack too and Ruth and Jim of course.”

“Of course I’d like to and Susan would love to meet you. I think she’d like to meet your family too, if you don’t mind.” Nancy said, her excitement evident in her voice.

“Of course I don’t mind,” Peggy said waving off her sister’s concern. “Nancy, I want us to be proper sisters again and everything that comes with that including meeting Susan and trying to get Jim and Ruth to call you Auntie and silly family holidays by the lakes.”

“I think we can manage that. You think rural Cumbria didn’t prepare you for my story though - wait until you meet some of Susan’s adopted family. They will really broaden your horizons,” Nancy said grinning.

“I’m positively cosmopolitan now,” Peggy said imperiously. She dropped her voice as though she were about to impart a great secret, “I’ll have you know, my sister is a lesbian!” The loud laughter that followed caused several older ladies to tut disapprovingly but neither Peggy nor Nancy cared. The Amazons were sailing together again.

 

**1972**

 

A&E was a depressing sight on Friday night. The waiting room was almost silent despite the large number of people milling around. The only noises were a nurse quietly trying to wake a young kid under a blanket from a drink induced coma and someone sitting alone in the corner sobbing. The others clutched broken limbs and pressed tissue after tissue to cuts, quietly resigned to waiting. The pain and misery suffusing the room was palpable as Susan pushed open the door. She soon spotted Lita and Rogue curled in on each other in the uncomfortable plastic hospital chairs. Their shiny silver platform boots, brightly coloured hair and glittery make up made them easy to spot in the morass of more conventional patients. Susan had been taking in strays for so long that when Jim came to London for university with a stack of David Bowie records and a wardrobe that sparkled it had felt natural for her to watch out for him. Soon that had extended to include Rogue, Lita, Brian, and Curt, who had adopted Jim into their circle of glam and never looked back. Even now they were into their second year of university Susan kept an eye on them, so when she was woken by a frantic phone call from Rogue asking her to come to a&e in the middle of the night she hadn’t hesitated.

“What happened?” Susan asked trying not to let the fear creep into her voice. “I came as soon as you called. Where’s Jim and the boys?” Lita started shivering and Rogue ran her hand over Lita’s hair trying to soothe her.

“Jim’s fine,” Rogue said as calmly as she could looking up at Susan. “He just had a broken arm and some bruises but Curt and Brian…” she trailed off. Tears were pricking at her eyes as she thought about Curt’s face covered in blood and Brian lying unconscious on the stretcher as they were carried off.

“It’s not fair!” Lita shouted suddenly shocking Susan and Rogue and drawing the attention of several others. Rogue continued petting her hair but Lita wouldn’t be calmed, “Why do people do it? Why do people hate us so much? What did we do?”

“Nothing, sweetie, you haven’t done anything wrong. People hate you because you’re different and they’re afraid of that but it’s not your fault,” Susan said sitting down on a chair opposite the girls. “I think you ought to tell me everything that happened.” The girls looked at each other and nodded.

“We’d been at a bar in Soho, having a couple of drinks and a laugh. We were all dressed up, of course, and normally you don’t get any trouble because everyone is a bit odd down there.”

“We weren’t looking for trouble, I promise,” Lita cut in. “We weren’t even going to walk home - we were trying to find a taxi, but before we could these guys stopped us on the street.”

“They were yelling about fairy boys and saying we were all perverts and abominations and we tried to walk away but that just seemed to make it worse because one of them grabbed Brian and punched him. Then Jim and Curt tried to pull them apart but they took offence at ‘fairy boys’ standing up to them…” Rogue trailed off.

“It was awful Susan, I couldn’t see who was hitting who and Rogue and I were screaming at them to stop but no one was listening. Then when Jim, Curt, and Brian were lying battered and broken and the thugs turned on us. They kept saying they wanted to show us what a real man could do but someone must have heard the screaming and called the police. The sirens scared them off.” Lita closed her eyes, trying to block the memories from her mind. The girls leaned together, drawing support from each other while Susan sat in silence as their tale sunk in. No matter how many horror stories she heard it never got easier. For every step forward, every well attended rally or small political concession, it seemed more people had to suffer. Her job would never be over.

Her silent reverie was broken by Rogue’s shout of surprise,

“Jim!” Susan’s head whipped around to see Jim, battered but walking and cradling a broken arm in a sling, come into reception supported by a nurse. Jim’s smile was pained but genuine as he was lead over to his friends.

“Are you alright?” Susan asked.

“It’ll take more than a broken arm to stop me,” Jim said with a false cheeriness.

“What about…” Rogue trailed off not really wanting to know.

“They told me Brian came round but they had to do a scan and Curt needed some stitches but they didn’t think there was internal bleeding so we’ve been lucky.”

“I’m not sure ‘lucky’ is quite the word,” Susan said taking in Jim’s wince of pain as he sat down.

“Can we get you anything?” Lita asked suddenly. “There’s a vending machine if you feel up to eating something or I could see if I can find a cup of coffee?” Jim nodded gratefully and the girls both jumped up glad to have something useful to do. As they left, Jim sagged a bit in his chair and Susan but her arm around him.

“I’m glad you’re okay,” Susan said.

“I’m not, it should have been me, not Brian and Curt, still in there,” Jim said bitterly.

“What? Jim don’t be ridiculous. There was nothing more you could have done and you being more hurt wouldn’t help them,” Susan said shocked at Jim’s words.

“You don’t understand. They shouldn’t have been attacked at all. They dress up glam but they both like girls so really… really it should have been me that took the worst of it,” Jim confessed looking at his aunt with a hint of fear in his eyes. Susan just shook her head and ran her hand over her adopted nephew’s hair.

“It doesn’t matter if you like boys or girls or fluffy unicorns, it is not your fault. If you liked girls too would it have made a difference?” Susan asked gently. “No matter what happened it wasn’t your fault for being gay any more than it was Curt’s fault for wearing blue nail polish or Brian’s for wearing silver flares.”

“It doesn’t feel that way. It feels like someone is punishing me.”

“God isn’t punishing you, Jim. Sometimes bad things happen because people were given a choice but God knows everything and God loves you no matter who you sleep with,” Susan said confidently.

“How can you be so sure?”

“I just know and one day you’ll know too, but hopefully that will be a long way from now.”

Before Jim could say anything else Lita and Rogue came back with coffee and biscuits. He smiled at Susan as they sat drinking awful hospital coffee. He didn’t much join in the conversation as they waited for news of Curt and Brian but he thought about what Susan had said. At least he had family that loved him and maybe he would never know for certain that God approved but maybe Susan’s faith would be enough for both of them.

**1976**

 

Jim’s birthday had been in full swing when Ruth finally arrived with tension heavy in her stomach. She had been nervous about this party for weeks and the overwhelming mix of family and Jim’s friends wasn’t helping. It was, she insisted to herself as she joined the crowds in Susan and Nancy’s garden, ridiculous to feel like an outsider when her family celebrated the odd and unusual with enthusiasm. Somehow Ruth managed to be a freak even by her family’s unusual standards. Despite her nerves, when Ruth found herself dragged into a conversation with Jim and his new boyfriend, Will, who was a distinct improvement on his last one, she began to have a good time. She even started to laugh and joke with Will as she allowed herself to relax.

“Ruth!” Susan called pushing past Jim to hug her niece. “How are you? Did you bring anyone?”

“No Susan, it’s just me.” Ruth tried not to roll her eyes. Susan tutted taking no notice.

“Aren’t there any nice men or women in your life?”

“Oh no, you know me. I’m married to my work,” Ruth said as pleasantly as she could.

“You’re too young to be married to your work!” Susan exclaimed. “You ought to be out there experimenting and experiencing life.”

“I’m old enough to know I want to put all my effort in to doing something I love. Anyway I think I get plenty of life experience as a surgeon to be honest,” Ruth said trying to deflect her aunt’s attention as Will and Jim had abandoned her for the promise of hamburgers and chips.

“Oh Ruth, you mustn’t be afraid of your sexuality. You should embrace it,” Susan said seriously putting her hand on Ruth’s arm.

“I’ve told you before it’s just not that important to my life,” Ruth tried to explain, all the while wishing she could be anywhere else. “I know that it’s important but I just don’t feel it.”

“That’s ridiculous, it’s not good for you to repress your sexuality like that. Besides, it’ll be different when you find the right person Ruth, you’ll see,” Susan said smiling but Ruth couldn’t bring herself to smile back. It was a rehash of the conversation she had had too many times with too many people. The more people told her she would change the more like a freak she felt especially when it came from someone who was supposed to understand.

“No, it won’t!” Ruth snapped suddenly. Maybe it was the wine she had been drinking or maybe she had just had enough. “I don’t want to have sex. Ever. Just because you are obsessed with sex doesn’t mean everyone has to be. Why can’t you just leave me alone?” Ruth felt tears building behind her eyes and she suddenly became aware of the scene her shouting created and the stunned looks of the people around her. With one last disappointed look at Susan, Ruth ran inside.

Ruth sat on the bed in the spare room hugging a pillow to her chest. At twenty seven she would have liked to think she had a more grown up response than running away, but she couldn’t face the crowds or the arguments at the moment. There was a gentle knock on the door which didn’t go away when Ruth ignored it.

“Leave me alone,” Ruth shouted through the door.

“No can do, sis,” Jim’s voice came back through the door. Ruth almost relented there and then hearing her brothers cheerfulness but she wasn’t ready to face him. She stayed sullenly silent instead and listened to him shuffle about in the hall.

“I’m just going to sit out here and talk then. I miss you, you know? I haven’t seen you in months - you didn’t even know when I was admitted to the hospital you worked at until mum told you a week later. I looked up to you so much when I was younger because you were my big sister. You were strong and smart and you always used to look after me no matter what. Why didn’t you trust me to try to do the same for you?” Jim trailed off. Ruth opened the door a crack and saw her brother sat on the floor. He looked so dejected that she felt a wave of sympathy. She opened the door the rest of the way and sat down beside him.

“I do trust you Jim, I just wasn’t sure you would understand. I don’t have a sexuality,” Ruth admitted.

“Look, I don’t care who you do or don’t sleep with. You’re my sister and I trust that you know what you’re doing,” Jim said.

“I know but so many people seem to have a hard time with it. Not even Susan seems to understand and she’s supposed to. Everyone always talks about how Susan helps people, she even helped you - so what’s wrong with me? If I’m such a freak that even Susan can’t understand me then how can I expect anyone else to?” Ruth asked sadly. Jim hugged his sister close.

“Ruth,” Ruth jerked up away from Jim. Susan was stood on the stairs watching them.

“I don’t want to have this argument now,” Ruth said tiredly.

“What if I said we don’t have to argue?” Susan offered. “I’m so sorry Ruth. I heard what you said. I didn’t mean to but I couldn’t help it. If I’d started listening to what you were really saying earlier… I never thought you were a freak.”

“But you kept insisting I was repressed and everything would change,” Ruth said confused.

“You have to understand, in less exciting families than ours, a lot of girls are taught that they shouldn’t take pleasure in sex or be sexual at all and I was worried that was what you thought too. Nancy and I have spent our lives helping people who have tried to repress their sexuality to fit in. We couldn’t bear the thought of that happening to you…” Susan trailed off.

“You were worried about me being repressed? In this family?” Ruth shook her head.

“Well it seems a bit silly now you put it like that but you were away at university before we ever really got to know you. We just wanted you to be happy,” Susan said.

“See? You’re no more a freak than the rest of us, Ruth.” Jim poked his sister.

“I guess we’re all mad here.” Ruth smiled up at Susan. All three of them started suddenly as they heard Peggy calling from downstairs.

“Come on, lets not keep your mum waiting,” Susan said. When they arrived back in the garden Jim was immediately grabbed by Richard and Peggy to have some cake leaving Ruth and Susan alone.

“I got you both some cake - it looked like it was about to be demolished by Jim so I though I would sneak some out while I got the chance,” Nancy said handing both women a plate. “Are you okay?”

“Yes,” Susan said catching Ruth’s eye and smiling. “Every thing is going to be fine.”

**1979**

 

At first glance, the family occupying carriage C of the London to Windermere train on a sunny afternoon in July looked very normal. Once people knew the truth, though, their reactions might turn to surprise or even horror at the family Susan had fostered and fought for over the last 30 years. Surrounded by her oddball family, Susan only felt pride in the people she had adopted as her own. People might call George a freak and shun Darrell for loving him, refuse to acknowledge Jim and Will’s relationship, make snide remarks about Ruth, mutter nastily about Peggy and Jack’s parenting skills, and point and whisper at Nancy and Susan’s clasped hands, but while they were all together it couldn’t touch them. They had a place and they had a family.

After they had been on the train for several hours Susan got up from her seat next to Nancy who had fallen asleep over her newspaper and went to sit next to Peggy.

“I’m so glad you suggested the Lake District,” Susan said sitting down.

“It was the least we could so after you looked after us so well in London,” Peggy said.

“Nancy is so excited about the possibility of sailing on her beloved Conniston again. I’m not sure I’m going to be quite the pirate she hopes, though; I haven’t sailed on a boat for years,” Susan admitted. Even then she was fairly sure the Amazon wouldn’t quite compare to the big Narnian ships she had been used to.

“Just remember your port from starboard and duck when you seen the boom coming for you and you’ll be fine,” Peggy said laughing.

“That’s easy for you to say! From what you’ve told me, you and Nancy were sailing from birth,” Susan said. The two women lapsed into a companionable silence. Susan and Peggy had liked each other immediately when Nancy introduced them and had fallen easily into the role of sisters.

“I’m happy we’re all here together, ” Susan said thoughtfully. “Even if I do end up falling out of a boat,” she added wryly.

“Well, as Nancy and George tell it, we mostly have you to thank,” Peggy replied.

“George just needed someone to take him seriously and Nancy would have got there eventually, I just helped her along,” Susan said smiling.

“You did more than that - if you hadn’t convinced her to write to me we might never have been sisters again. It would have been awful to have never had this,” Peggy said earnestly gesturing at the assortment of people in their ragtag family.

“Well, so many people I’ve worked with have been hurt by their family, I like it when I can bring families together for a change,” Susan explained.

“It must be nice to know you helped so many people,” Peggy said.

“I’m just doing my job,” Susan replied. “Besides it wasn’t entirely selfless.”

“How so?” Peggy asked curiously.

“I lost all my family in a train crash so I was on my own for a long time but helping George and Nancy gave me a whole new family. Having all of you and being able to be an aunt and a sister again means a lot to me. I chose you after all.”

“I’m glad you chose us,” Peggy said quietly putting her hand on Susan’s arm.

At the other end of the carriage, Nancy woke up to find herself alone in her seat and wandered down to join them.

“If I didn’t know better, I’d be jealous,” she said raising her eyebrow. Susan rolled her eyes as she stood up to hug her.

“I wouldn’t worry, Peggy’s far too much a sister to me. If I ever go wandering off with Darrell though…” Susan teased and Nancy stuck her tongue out at her - even turning sixty one hadn’t matured her much.

“You know no one else would ever put up with you.”

“I suppose you’ll have to do then,” Susan said with a long suffering sigh that was immediately betrayed by her smile.

“This will shut you up,” Nancy said, kissing Susan. They broke apart grinning at each other.

“Fine, you’ve got me. I do love you after all,” Susan said. Before Nancy could reply the carriage lurched to the right and there was the sound of metal bending and breaking as something impacted the side of the train. Susan was flung sideways and hit her head on the chair. The world fell away as unconsciousness overtook her. When she came back to herself she was somewhere else entirely.

 

**Aslan’s Country**

 

Susan sat up gingerly, but the pain she was expecting didn’t come. Instead, she felt better than she had done in years. She looked down and was surprised to see her travelling clothes had gone and in their place was the finest Narnian dress she had ever seen. She ran her fingers over the material, hardly believing her eyes - this wasn’t like the Narnian style dresses she had tried to have made for her in England. Susan touched the grass around her in wonder and finally dared to look around her at the courtyard of Cair Paravel. Only, it was not Cair Paravel as she had known it. It was better and bigger and more wonderful than she had ever seen it before or ever could have imagined. In front of the door that lead inside the palace was Aslan. Susan scrambled to her feet as joy rose within her and she ran toward him.

“You have done well, Queen Susan,” Aslan said solemnly. Then slowly and deliberately he bowed his head to her. Susan flushed with pride and dropped into a respectful curtsy. She hadn’t curtsied since her first trip to Narnia but suddenly it felt as natural again as breathing.

“If it hadn’t been for you I might have continued to deny everything,” Susan said. “You were the one who gave me courage.”

“You are wrong, daughter. I never gave you courage. When you chose to look for me I merely helped you find the courage you always had,” Aslan said. Susan searched for words to express her gratitude but a swell of emotion choked her. She was really in Narnia. She was finally home.

“Thank you,” she said eventually, “for giving me another chance.”

“You will always be welcome in my country. Now, follow me,” Aslan said and the doors behind him opened. “There are some here you have been waiting a long time to see.” As they walked together through the hallways in silence Susan dropped her hand onto his mane and let it rest in his warm fur. The closer they got to the throne room the more Susan felt her trepidation mounting but she did not let it consume her as she once would have. She reached the doors with her head high.

As the doors opened Susan was confronted not by the throne room she remembered but by a garden. The garden was filled with people most of whom she didn’t know but there were many she recognised and many that were as dear to her as any people or talking animals could be. Without making a sound, Aslan’s presence drew the attention of everyone in the garden, for he rarely came among them here, even now.

“I have brought you your missing queen,” Aslan said and he let out a mighty roar which drove all those assembled to their knees. Susan blushed and as the Narnians assembled got back to their feet there was a jostling from within the crowd and there Susan saw her family. None of them looked quite as she remembered them, but she knew with certainty it couldn’t be anyone else. Diggory and Polly and her parents looked younger than Susan had ever known them whereas Peter, Edmund, and Lucy looked every inch the kings and queens they had been at the height of their reign in Narnia. Even Eustace and Jill looked older and more noble than they had in life. They stared at each other for a moment before Lucy rushed toward Susan and flung her arms around her.

“Oh, I knew you’d come,” said Lucy softly.

“Yeah Sue, we weren’t worried,” Edmund said keeping his tone light but Susan could hear his concern.

“You of all people should know, once a king or queen in Narnia, always a king or queen,” she said smiling at them all.

“We’ve been waiting for you,” Peter said putting his hand on her shoulder. Then unable to restrain themselves any longer Susan’s parents joined Lucy in embracing their daughter.

“I’m so glad to see you all again,” Susan said clinging to her parents.

“You’re home now,” her father said hugging her almost painfully tight.

“You’ll have to tell us everything you’ve been doing,” Jill added coming over hand in hand with Eustace.

“Oh it’s a long story,” said Susan laughing. “I’ve been helping people, people like me.”

“What ever do you mean ‘people like you’?” Edmund asked confused.

“Queer people,” Susan said a hint of defiance showing as she readied herself for a fight but Edmund just shrugged.

“Good for you,” he said, clapping her on the shoulder. The conversation however had stirred a doubt in Susan’s mind. She suddenly thought about Nancy and Peggy and all the rest of her family in the carriage. She looked at Aslan a few feet behind her hoping to get confirmation that they were okay but he was looking at the gates to the right. Turning her head to see what was so important she saw people appearing in the garden.

“Nancy!” Susan cried in delight as she spotted her partner. Nancy looked up surprised when she heard the shout and looked even more shocked to see Susan. Susan broke free of her family and ran to Nancy.

“Thank Aslan you’re here,” Susan said finding her Narnian figures of speech coming more naturally now than the English ones.

“Susan, where is here? What happened to the train?” Nancy asked. She and all the others were looking around bemused at the garden around them. “And why do you look so different?”

“Haven’t you guessed yet?” Susan asked. “We were in a train crash and we died, as we would have termed it. But now we’re here, we’re in Narnia forever, and I’m not the only one who has changed.” Susan said and it was true. Nancy’s short hair was no longer grey but raven black, her eyes were clear and bright and she couldn’t feel the arthritis that had begun to plague her. George too looked different - the body he had fought against for so long was gone and in its place was one subtly different. His joy told the whole story as Darrell hugged him.

“See? Everything is better here,” Susan said. She gripped Nancy’s hand tightly in hers and lead her over to where her family were standing in front of a crowd of respectful Narnians.

“Nancy, I’d like you to meet my family,” Susan said smiling wider than ever. Susan stepped back as Nancy and then all the others came forward and introductions were made. Susan heard a cough from near her feet and she saw Reepicheep had arrived with a cadre of Mice and they were carrying something.

“My Queen,” Reepicheep said bowing low. “We have brought you your crown.” He stood aside to let the other Mice present it to her. She took it from them reverently.

“Sirs, you have my deepest gratitude,” she told the assembled Mice and turning to face the crowd she placed the crown on her head. Susan felt her heart almost ache with happiness to be back in Narnia with all the people she cared about the most. She turned to look for Aslan but he was gone for now. Still she smiled to know she would see him again soon. Nancy sidled up to her as her attention was distracted and put her arms around Susan’s waist.

“Does this make me a queen now too?” Nancy whispered in her ear. Susan shook her head and laughed. Their lips met in a brief kiss and a cheer went up from everyone assembled.

“Long live Queen Susan. Long live Narnia. Long live Aslan.”


End file.
